ammogirl

Whose blog is read by the most fabulous people in the world?  That’s right - MINE!   I sat down to read my comments this morning and it was immediate crycrycry.  Thanks, you guys…from the bottom of my heart. 

Anyhow, all this talk about me being adventurous makes me want to point out that…I’m really not.  No, really.  You guys, joining the military wasn’t adventurous.  It was IMPULSIVE.  I only did it because I had just moved back from England (NOT ADVENTUROUS-LY) and was dying to go back, plus my sister was moving to Germany and I wasn’t sure what to do with my life without her bossing me around.  Anything since then that I’ve done was only because I was forced to.  Kuwait?  Not Adventurous: forced.  Korea? Definitely Not Adventurous, I was a non-volunteer so again: forced.  I seriously am the world’s biggest chicken, and I am afraid of everything new.  John?  Can you please back me up?  Yeah, he knows, because poor him, he’s the one who has to convince me to do anything.  In fact, if there is anything adventurous about me, it’s the adventure John has while trying to navigate my moods, ha ha. 

Let’s take for example….ohhh….snorkeling.  Snorkeling is fun, right? Yes, if you ARE NOT ME. If you are me, however, this is how your first snorkeling experience went:
    
…..(struggling to put on fins) nothing FITS!  JOHN! GOD! (practicing the snorkel breathing thing) Ugghhhasfh!!!!!  This isn’t WORKING!  JOHHHN!  GOD! (snorkeling along, and a fish gently brushes my leg) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  They are ATTACKING ME!!! JOHHHHHHHHNNNNNN!!!!! GOD! This is SO STUPID! JOHN! John? (looking around for John, but John has mysteriously drifted away from me).

Yeah.  While I still try to snorkel (the operative word being TRY), I will never be known as the female Jacques Cousteau or anything.  I can’t hang with the getting touched by fish thing…and I was constantly being driven perilously close to the razor sharp edges of the coral, and there were…sharks…everywhere.  THERE WAS!  And bottomless depths!  And HUMONGOUS SEA CREATURES!  And that one fish, you know…you see it in like, the encyclopedia under "deep sea creatures", the one that has ginormous teeth?  Yes you do!  It’s this one!  And THIS!  I’m telling you, I have seen them all!  The ocean is SCARY!

But that’s just one example.  Trust me on this, me experiencing anything new will always go like this: 1. John will suggest we (I) try a new thing  2. I will come up with 1,729 reasons why I will die trying this new thing 3. John will ignore me, and will make me try anyway 4. I will not immediately get the hang of the new thing 5. I will get frustrated and anxious and pissed because of ineptitude at new thing 6. I will tell John it is all his fault, that EVERYTHING is all his fault, ALWAYS, and owwwww!  SEE! I got FATALLY WOUNDED DOING THE NEW THING 7. John will laugh at me and call me a dork 8.  While burning with anger I will suddenly figure out new thing which will make me even more angry 9. John, who is the best person in the world, will be overwhelmingly excited and happy for me 10.  I will immediately forget that I am a big huge baby as well as a jerk and take full credit for trying new thing, which will then be my new FAVORITE THING EVER.

I’m not kidding.  Imagine every single thing I’ve ever done, plug it in the above scenario, and there you have it!  Instant dramatic Treena incident!  Fortunately my husband is a patient, patient man. 

Right now, in regards to not knowing where we are moving in FOUR MONTHS, I am on number 2.  With maybe a little number 5 thrown in.  WHAT!? It’s MY scenario, I can change it if I want.

Until we get our assignment…Auf Wiedersehen, Ciao, and Cheerio!