ammogirl

I am writing this post immediately after eating a scoop of "Hokey Pokey" ice cream from Baskin & Robbins, said ice cream chosen solely on the merit of it’s name.  I just want to say "Getting a scoop of Hokey Pokey" would make a really great euphemism.  Seriously! "So, what did you do last night?" "I got a scoop of Hokey Pokey.  You?"  HA HA HA!

Last night, IMMEDIATELY upon going to bed, I heard a sound which sounded suspiciously like the sound a very large bug makes when throwing itself against a window.  You know what sound I mean, right?  Thump..thwack thwack…thumpity thwack.  So I got out of bed, turned off the a/c and fan, and turned on all the lights, dead set on finding the intruder.  Quickly, I yanked back the curtains (element of surprise, you know) and found…nothing.  So, I turned OFF all the lights.  Nothing.  I turned on ONE light…nope.  I poked the curtains with a hanger.  I looked under the bed.  I searched the window sills.  That damn bug, it was NOWHERE to be found.  After a goodish amount of time spent searching (I am NOT going to bed with a large bug in my room.  N-O.) I came to the conclusion that the noise had OBVIOUSLY been coming from outside.  Feeling very relieved at not having to deal with a large bug, I turned the a/c and fan back on, turned off the lights, and got back into bed.  What happened next, you ask?  Thump thump thwack thwack thwack. THAT’S what happened next.  "Ahhhh!" I said, and started the whole process over again:  I threw the lights back on, turned off the a/c, and headed over to turn off the fan…and then I noticed my gym towel.  This particular towel happened to be resting on the fan.  The fan was next to my bed, and the bed?  Well the bed, when being pummeled with a towel that is resting on a fan, does an awfully good impression of a very large bug throwing itself against a window.  Just so you know.

……

I tend to fall into routines with my meals, where I eat the same thing over and over and over, until I am positively sick of it.  For example, right now I am obsessed with natural peanut butter. I have a jar at work, and I eat a spoon of it, along with a banana and small carton of milk, every morning for breakfast.  I eat this at precisely 7 am.  Sometimes, I lick my spoon clean, think "MMM!" and stick my just-licked, wet-with-spit spoon BACK in the jar and get just a bit more.  That may surprise you, it may not; however, it is MY jar of peanut butter, and it is MY spit.  Do you see? 

This morning, my replacement, who sits at the next desk over, and who has SEEN ME occasionally double-dip the peanut butter, I KNOW HE HAS, asked if he could have some to spread on his toasted bagel. 

"Um…you know, I don’t, uh, MIND you using my peanut butter or anything, buttt…I…I mean, you’ve SEEN me double-dip."  "That’s okay, it’s not like you have cooties." "Oh!  No, of course…no cooties.  So.  Here, I guess?"  (slowwwlllllyyyy pushes jar of peanut butter closer to replacement guy) (replacement guy looks at me funny) "Well, if you don’t WANT me to use your peanut butter, I won’t!"

Replacement guy, that’s just gross.  And, you are a bad judger of situations.  Also: DOUBLE-DIPPED.

Auf Wiedersehen!!!