ammogirl

I am feeling slightly drained from last night’s schedule of 3 consecutive going away parties, which required many whisky sours interspersed with shots of soju mixed with grenadine.  However, I wanted to give you guys an update on the mysterious jaw sprain. I had my follow-up appointment yesterday, and after much prodding, poking, cold-cotton-pelleting, and a brief round with a drill, it was determined that I probably have a fractured molar.  I’ve had three fractured molars replaced already so that’s probably correct.  I have another appointment in September, but in the meantime I’m left with more Motrin and eating soft foods very carefully. 

Sprained jaw - pshhh. I TOLD you it was too ridiculous to be true.

Auf Wiedersehen!!!

I am writing this post immediately after eating a scoop of "Hokey Pokey" ice cream from Baskin & Robbins, said ice cream chosen solely on the merit of it’s name.  I just want to say "Getting a scoop of Hokey Pokey" would make a really great euphemism.  Seriously! "So, what did you do last night?" "I got a scoop of Hokey Pokey.  You?"  HA HA HA!

Last night, IMMEDIATELY upon going to bed, I heard a sound which sounded suspiciously like the sound a very large bug makes when throwing itself against a window.  You know what sound I mean, right?  Thump..thwack thwack…thumpity thwack.  So I got out of bed, turned off the a/c and fan, and turned on all the lights, dead set on finding the intruder.  Quickly, I yanked back the curtains (element of surprise, you know) and found…nothing.  So, I turned OFF all the lights.  Nothing.  I turned on ONE light…nope.  I poked the curtains with a hanger.  I looked under the bed.  I searched the window sills.  That damn bug, it was NOWHERE to be found.  After a goodish amount of time spent searching (I am NOT going to bed with a large bug in my room.  N-O.) I came to the conclusion that the noise had OBVIOUSLY been coming from outside.  Feeling very relieved at not having to deal with a large bug, I turned the a/c and fan back on, turned off the lights, and got back into bed.  What happened next, you ask?  Thump thump thwack thwack thwack. THAT’S what happened next.  "Ahhhh!" I said, and started the whole process over again:  I threw the lights back on, turned off the a/c, and headed over to turn off the fan…and then I noticed my gym towel.  This particular towel happened to be resting on the fan.  The fan was next to my bed, and the bed?  Well the bed, when being pummeled with a towel that is resting on a fan, does an awfully good impression of a very large bug throwing itself against a window.  Just so you know.

……

I tend to fall into routines with my meals, where I eat the same thing over and over and over, until I am positively sick of it.  For example, right now I am obsessed with natural peanut butter. I have a jar at work, and I eat a spoon of it, along with a banana and small carton of milk, every morning for breakfast.  I eat this at precisely 7 am.  Sometimes, I lick my spoon clean, think "MMM!" and stick my just-licked, wet-with-spit spoon BACK in the jar and get just a bit more.  That may surprise you, it may not; however, it is MY jar of peanut butter, and it is MY spit.  Do you see? 

This morning, my replacement, who sits at the next desk over, and who has SEEN ME occasionally double-dip the peanut butter, I KNOW HE HAS, asked if he could have some to spread on his toasted bagel. 

"Um…you know, I don’t, uh, MIND you using my peanut butter or anything, buttt…I…I mean, you’ve SEEN me double-dip."  "That’s okay, it’s not like you have cooties." "Oh!  No, of course…no cooties.  So.  Here, I guess?"  (slowwwlllllyyyy pushes jar of peanut butter closer to replacement guy) (replacement guy looks at me funny) "Well, if you don’t WANT me to use your peanut butter, I won’t!"

Replacement guy, that’s just gross.  And, you are a bad judger of situations.  Also: DOUBLE-DIPPED.

Auf Wiedersehen!!!

Well, unfortunately, yesterday I wrote 27 WORK days, not 27 days period.  I actually have 45 days all together - I’m just more excited about not working, you know?  But thanks for the excitedness!  It IS exciting, I’ll admit…And, you know, honestly?  I’m not working all that hard right now anyway.  I mean, I WORK, but my replacement is here, and he’s starting to do the stuff I used to do, so I find myself wandering around to different shops visiting everyone for longer and longer periods of time.

Also…okay, first an explanation.  I know I complain about the hot and humid weather around here a lot, but what I DON’T talk about is the arctic freezing of my office, because it’s a little ridiculous, and a bit embarrassing to me.  You guys, I must be related to a snake, lizard or other heat-loving cold-blooded creature because I freeze my ass off at work.  That is no lie.  I spend the day huddled in my chair, shivering.  My fingernails turn blue within 25 minutes of my arrival.  My hands get so stiff with cold I can’t even use them, and take turns sitting on first my right hand, then my left.  In the meantime, all of my co-workers are sitting at their desks in their t-shirts ONLY.  "Why are you cold?!" they say to me, as if I am FAKING IT, which I am most assuredly NOT.  "It’s so hot outside, and so warm in here, HOW CAN YOU BE COLD?!"

Now, I have spent a lot of time thinking about this situation, because I tell you, it is damn hard to work when you are an ice cube, not to mention I feel slightly dramatic, due to the fact that it’s hotter than a sauna outside, while inside, I have chattering teeth.  I really wish that I had a perfectly good explanation.  I do!  In fact, I don’t even COMPLAIN about it, because I know how preposterous it is, and that should tell you something.  I swear to you, I’m not pretending to have blue fingernails and a red nose.  I don’t ENJOY shivering as if I just ran across a glacier while naked.  THIS IS NOT FUN.  And, I have mentioned several times that I can’t walk the 3/4 mile home without feeling as if I just stepped out of a shower, so, I have established the fact that indeed, I can be warm, HOT even…BUT.  We had a big meeting in our bay yesterday morning, and the bay has no a/c, and it also has big garage doors that were open.  While standing there, the feeling in my fingers and nose slowllly started coming back, and I was just starting to feel comfortable — then I noticed that everyone around me was sweating.  DRIPPING sweat, even.  DYING OF THE HEAT.  So.  I have come to the conclusion that basically?  I’m freakish.

Of course, since I am the only one in the whole entire country of Korea who is cold at this point of the deathly hot and humid summer, I sort of can’t have the a/c turned off.  I can’t even have it turned down because the unit services the whole building, and it’s either on, or it’s not.  As a result, I have done the following to prevent my imminent hypothermia: First, I had the brilliant idea to block off the part of the vent that blows on my desk.  So, with my father’s oft-repeated advice that duct tape can remedy anything, I made someone climb on a chair and tape a piece of cardboard on the vent, effectively redirecting the flow to the other, NORMAL people in my shop.  This worked for about 5.7 minutes.  (Dear Dad: for the record, duct tape has not been redeemed to me, so there.) The next day, I came to work armed with my extreme cold weather sweater, issued to me while I was stationed in Alaska.  As soon as I started cooling off from my walk in, I threw that bad boy on, relishing it’s toasty thickness and cuddly warmth.  Of course, being that I’m a freak, this also did not work, and only served to increase the taunts coming my way.  "You’re wearing a SWEATER?"  You can’t be SERIOUS!"  Oh yes, I am.  And you know what, fucker?  I’m still cold.  Shut it before I ice cube you.

Which brings me to the point of this post (because there really was one): what else I do to stay occupied at work.  Every hour, I stand up, take off my uniform top and sweater, grab my sunglasses, and head outside to walk five laps around our building.  This takes ten minutes.  At the end of the five laps, I can feel my hands again, and my nose is no longer dripping, so I head back inside, layer up, and watch the clock, counting down the minutes until I can go outside again. 

Those minutes sort of move slow.  Like a glacier.

Auf Wiedersehen!!!