Nov 16
There is a reason apple corers were invented, you know.
You know those picture hangers, the ones that come on the back of frames? The ones that have jagged razor teeth and a taste for blood? Well, today I somehow managed to jam one of them underneath my fingernail, and holy torture. Seriously. That fucker hurt.
I turned into superwoman today and unpacked almost every box and carried at least 27 loads of crap up three flights of stairs (dear stairs: you suck), and I can tell you with no doubt whatsoever that my back is very definitely 35 years old. In fact, right now, it might even be 82. We’ll see come morning, but I think I would be a smart woman to have a small amount of drugs readily available. Meaning, owwww my back. However, The entire downstairs is basically done, with the exception of the loaner furniture sitting right in the middle of the floor and the eight million jackets and hoodies sitting on the back of the couch because we have no coat rack and hey, I bet THAT would’ve been a good Ikea purchase, huh? Hmm.
Did I tell you the houses here are made of concrete? John assures me, however, that hanging things on the wall will be a piece of cake, because he is a man and scoffs at things like concrete walls. I say, whatever, just make sure the picture is straight and we’ll be good.
I also want to take a small moment to tell you something that makes me really mad about my husband. Okay, not really AT him so much, but at this thing he does - when he eats an apple, he eats the core, and I don’t know why, but it really bugs me. In fact, he did it just now, and I said, "why do you DO that! That is so gross. It makes me mad." and he said "…crunch crunch crunch" so then I googled it, so I could prove that I was right when I assert that the seeds are inedible because they are poisonous and they will PLANT in his BELLY and grow into a tree and he will die from DEATH BY TREE. But what did Google say? Google said "bla bla not many people know apple cores are edible" and "blady bla cores are the sweetest part" and only after 20 minutes of googling various constructions of the phrase "are apple fucking cores edible" did I find THIS bit of information from Vegetarians in Paradise to prove I AM RIGHT:
"apple seeds are considered edible , but caution must prevail (JOHN). Because they contain a small amount of cyanide (!!!!!!), apple seeds can only be tolerated in small amounts."
Ha! I KNEW IT! The very next apple might be his LAST and THEN! Who will be sorry THEN!!!! Well, besides me, because, you know, the obvious. Anyway. You could probably add "apple core eating" to my list of things I really dislike.
Wow, I’m tired.
Tschuss!!
November 16th, 2006 at 11:20 pm
Death by Tree…. I am rolling here. That was hilarious!!
November 17th, 2006 at 12:24 am
Your husband is an apple core eating freak LOL
November 17th, 2006 at 12:35 am
You crack me UP! Glad to see that you have your fam back and they are driving you nuts, as they should be!
Oh, and about the raving bitch part…aren’t we from the same gene pool? Trust me when I say I have NO problem with letting out the RAGE, you can just ask Matt who will say “Yes, my wife. She IS a CRAZY F-N Bitch.” The reason I know this is I heard my ringtone on his phone…Buck Cherry, Crazy Bitch. I am so glad to know that everytime I ring him everyone around knows I am a complete PSYCHO. So really I want that pic, I just HAVE to master it…
Oh and BTW, I just happen to have a apple corer, if perhaps they don’t sell them in Germany. No-one in my family eats the apple cores which makes me question why I even have one since I totally CANNOT make pie. Glad your very entertaining posts are back up and running LOVE THEM, oh and you too of course
November 17th, 2006 at 1:24 am
Ever consider that John may be trying to make himself immune to cyanide as part of his secret super hero training?
Hmmm, maybe I should start eating apple cores.
November 17th, 2006 at 3:29 am
I thought what flatgreg thought. He is immunizing himself one bite at a time. Is there something he knows about you that you are not sharing?
November 17th, 2006 at 8:56 am
It is only men who eat the apple core, right? I have never ever seen a woman do it. It’s a guy thing, and I DO NOT UNDERSTAND IT!
November 18th, 2006 at 10:10 am
Lisa - You’re too nice.
Mr. Fab - Well, an apple core eater, to be sure. Freak would be pushing it
Mindy - I will try to capture it. It may, however, break the camera. Surely it’s hidden somewhere, dormant, just waiting for the right moment. Perhaps if you had had girls instead of boys.
Greg/Scott - I NEVER thought of that!!! Maybe he is planning on poisoning ME with cyanide! WAIT! I know!!! He is trying to save the cheerleader!!!
Pom - Yes. A man thing, definitely. I see this is more common than I THOUGHT!!!
November 21st, 2006 at 2:26 am
HAHAHA.. Death by tree.. you are so silly girl!
November 23rd, 2006 at 10:07 pm
Cigarettes contain cyanide too, as well as water, fish, trees, asbestos, and so forth. Its just when you get those funny little glass vials of cyanide…. Do you think that its a bit conspicuous that Paradise celebrates Johnny Appleseed days?
Hmmmmmmm…
-Jesse