ammogirl

**The title for today is "f" because it won’t let me type anything else.  Nothing.  Just "f".  Without the quotation marks, of course.  So.

I don’t normally do this, but we watched two great movies today and I think you should also watch them, so you can think they are really great movies too.

First we saw Charlotte’s Web, and it was excellent, and I cried every time Charlotte spun a word.  Every damn time.  If you ever read the book, then you won’t be disappointed.  Even if you didn’t read the book,and the only exposure you’ve had to Zuckerman’s Famous Pig is the cartoon (and if you haven’t seen THAT, shame on you), you STILL won’t be disappointed, although I will admit I don’t know why they had to throw in the stuff between Fern and random hat kid.  Was THAT in the book?  I totally do NOT remember that.  Regardless, it’s a really super movie.

Then, because Pixie had given it such a glowing review, we watched Rocky Balboa, and loved it.  Fabulous movie…who knew ol’ Sly could rock the monologue?  Not me.  Do you know I have seen none of the previous…five?  Rocky movies?  My husband was slightly disgusted with me when I said that.  However, I am pretty sure one does not have to have actually seen the Rocky movies to be well acquainted with them.  Am I right?   Aren’t  I always right?

Now, obviously, I am NOT a professional movie reviewer, and my taste in movies is probably MUCH different than yours, but I really think you should go see those movies.  If you want to.  If you don’t, then…don’t go see them.  But I think you should. 

Oh, so…yeah.  Today we went to the movies.  The movies are not in Heidelberg.  I mean, I’m sure there ARE movies there, but WE were not.  The word on the street is Tuesday is now Heidelberg day, and Friday is the day of the overnight trip.  To a place that’s not here.  Adventurous!

Tschuss!!

I’ve been doing this really, REALLY bad thing this past week.  Oh my god - SO bad.  Okay.  Every day at 9am, we at work have our circle of trust meeting at the coffee shop across the street.  Thanks, tax-payer dollars!  Anyway, so I NORMALLY get the Italian double espresso, which is extremely disgusting.  I can only barely choke it down after adding two packets of Splenda, but even then it tastes like…sweet shit from hell.  Then, approximately 23 minutes later, the caffeine settles in, and it’s like I just took every No-Doz in a ten-block radius, and while I feel pretty peppy mentally, all I can peppily think about is how badly I want to hurl.  It sucks, is all I can tell you, but every day, I would order the same damn thing, because I…well, I…huh.  You know, I have no idea why I kept ordering it.  But!  The other day, I DIDN’T order it!  No, instead, I got this hot chocolate extravaganza, and I don’t know what they make it with but it tastes exactly like liquid dark chocolate, and it’s topped with at least 1/2 cup of whipped cream - the real kind.  You guys.  There must be at least 50 grams of saturated fat in it.  If I stop posting you will know that my heart seized and I am dead from cream.  Hey, then I would be creamed!  Ha ha!  Anyway, I got it three days in a row.  I am weak when faced with chocolatey saturated yummerfulness. 

So I spoke to the doctor on the phone, concerning my hip.  Now, let me first say - I have not had any lessening of pain since my appointment.  It’s the same pain, right in the same place. So I called to see what the deal was, because if you tell me there is something wrong with my hip, put me on medication, tell me not to exercise, and send me for x-rays, I’d sort of like a follow up.  So the doctor says, "Hiiii,  Sgt Williams?  Hi!  So, I looked at your x-rays, and great news!  Nothing wrong with your hip!  No hip problems I can see! You have no problems with your hip!  So, okay, byeee!"  I was like,  "Well, that’s GREAT, but you see, I actually went to the doctor because I was having BACK pain, which I am STILL having, in addition to the hip pain I didn’t know I had until the (other) doctor made me perform really stretchy leg movements.  So."  The phone doctor was like this "…"  But what she was thinking (because I KNOW) was "but, I said you were fine, so you should BE FINE!  Be FINE, person on the phone!"  But then I said "So, I would like to have another appointment." 

That part was critical, you see, because normally, I am a pushover, and when the doctor says I am fine, I usually say, I am?  I AM!  and go about my way.  Anyway, I made another appointment.  Not holding my breathe or anything, but I DID make it.  We’ll see how it goes.  Maybe I should fall in the shower again, and crush my vertabrae or something.  That’ll show em.

Tomorrow we are "supposed to" go to Heidelberg.  I air quote because we all know how things go around here (lazy).  The plan is, however, to wake up early….ish, and head on out.  I’ll let you know how that goes. 

Have a great weekend before Christmas!

Tschuss!!

I can’t think right now because of the Christmas carols drilling into my head.  Not that I don’t like them.  It’s more like, I hear one and become instantly hypnotized into a green and red colored trance.  Sort of like an acid trip, but more festive.  Seriously - candycanes were floating around my head, and the Grinch flew by on his sled, Max’s little legs going as fast as they could, and there were plates of deviled eggs and I’m pretty sure I saw a carton of egg nog…and then the song ended and I realized I had just been sitting there staring at the screen the whole time, fingers suspended over the home keys.  Feliz Navidad indeed. 

Speaking of Christmas, I have this huge dilemma, which I’m sure y’all will totally laugh at, but…what’s new, right?  Here goes:  We are having a battle of sorts in our  house over Santa Claus.  See, the girls still TELL me they believe in the old guy.  Even though they are…11 and 12.  Shut up. I know I’m being had, but what would YOU do?  Unmask him? Well then…WHAT HAPPENS IF THEY DON’T REALLY KNOW?  I’m serious!  They lived in the North Pole most of their life! It’s such a dilemma, with everyone talking around the issue.  It goes like this: "Mom, <assumes wide-eyed stare and a cherubic look>so, like…will Santa be able to get down the chimney here?"  "Ummm…<looking hard to determine if girl is SERIOUS or the best actress ever> <sees nothing but INNOCENCE and YOUTH and the FACE OF AN ANGEL who totally believes in Santa>of course Santa can get down that chimney, sweets!" "Oh yay! Thanks, mom, you’re the best <and most gullilble> mom ever!!!" 

I ask you - faced with that, would you be able to say "Santa?  Santa isn’t REAL, silly!"  No.  You wouldn’t. So there you have it. I am pushing falsehoods onto my children.  It’s the dirty little secret of the Williams household.  My children are playing me like a fiddle for the extra Santa gifts.  I think. 

I don’t even remember when I realized Santa was pretend…do you?  For me, it was more of one day I thought he was real, and the next time I thought about it, I didn’t.  No earth shattering revelations, no older kid breaking the news.  Just…a total loss of all that was good about childhood.  Just kidding.  There’s always the Easter Bunny, and he brings Creme Eggs, so don’t even TRY to sell me the story that HE’S fake.  Or she.  Whatever.

You guys are so smart, it totally was John as the Mad Barfer this weekend.  The ironic thing was I had JUST told my coworkers the day before that I have never seen my husband drunk…and I haven’t, he’s the smartest drinker ever, and no matter how much he drinks, he NEVER ACTS DRUNK.  Unlike me, but of course this story is about him.  So.  Party.  There were something like eight people buying rounds all night long, and while this German beer is definitely not Bud Light, they were all drinking it like it was water.  John was fine until we got in the car, and then…he wasn’t.  And then he wasn’t again, when we stopped to get our car, and then AGAIN, immediately after I exited the Autobahn.  So.  It was pretty funny, and I took the opportunity to make lots of fun.  Oh stop, I was nice too, and actually spent the whole night in a state of wakefulness, because I was sure he would die of alcohol poisoning. 

And finally, my Autobahn de-virgin-ing.  It was my first time on it, it was midnight, raining, and my husband was hanging out in the passenger seat breathing the way you do when you are totally trying to keep from puking.  Oh.  And, it was the BMW, which I NEVER drive because it’s…weird…sort of…or maybe that’s just me.  Hmm.  Anyway, raising the seat up in the BMW requires you to practice Hatha Yoga while saying a few chants and throwing some magic powder around, which I totally didn’t have time to do, so to see over the steering wheel I had to grip the 10-and-2 and hold myself suspended over the seat.  And all those things were going on at once, and this was how it went.

     me: so…um…is there ANY OTHER WAY to get home besides the Autobahn
     john: ….inhale…exxxxxhaaaallllleee.  inhale…exxxxhallllleeeee.  Noooouuugghhhh.
     me:  great!  okay!  here I go.
     john:  stop moving and talking.  bleeecccchhhhhhgggggg.

I’m just kidding.  He didn’t really say that last part. 

Oh look!  Lunchtime is over!

Tschuss!!