ammogirl

So, today I was walking to the gym for mandatory gym time and I totally missed a dip in the road and almost tripped.  Like, my foot was going down in slow motion…going…going…going…and in my head I was saying "oh crap dropoff" and then finally my foot hit the ground and I did that weird step thing people do to catch up with myself.  Well, that’s funny to me when I do that, and I invariably smile and laugh at myself, because it’s amazing to me how much of a klutz I am.  Yes, I am easily amused.  Anyway, today I realized something that’s even funnier than my klutziness:  watching people watch my klutziness but pretending they don’t see it.  This guy today totally watched me almost trip and then when I made eye contact with him to say something totally stupid like "that came outta nowhere!" or "two left feet", or…okay, honestly, I really wasn’t going to ACTUALLY say something, but you know what I mean.   I was going to convey it silently.  However, I couldn’t because he totally snapped his eyes forward like I was Medusa and my hair was a thousand spitting snakes and no matter how hard I tried to make eye contact (seriously!  short of grabbing him and staring into his eyes…I tried that hard) he would.not.look. 

Now, two things:  first of all, hmm.  Maybe you had to be there, for it actually to be funny.  Second, you guys, if you trip and NEARLY fall in front of me, I will laugh at you.  There will be no pretending I did not see.  Actual falls will prompt a brief period of concern in which I ascertain your well-being, but once I have established that no injuries have occurred, I will laugh at you.  Actual falls resulting in injuries…well…I’ll probably wait awhile, until you’re okay again, but eventually, I will laugh at you.  Just so you know.

Work is just completely insane this past week.  One day will be absolutely dead.  No emails, no phone calls, nothing…and then the next - BLAM!  The minute I walk in the door, I have a hundred things to accomplish.  Funding for this!  Transportation for that!  Sighhh…it’s so stupid.  I just want to have the same amount of work every day, you know?  I did manage to move desks in between deadlines, though.  Now I have the best desk in the office, right in the back corner, facing the door.  It’s awesome - I’m practically hidden, and unless someone tunnels up through the bottom floor or through the walls, no one can sneak up on me.  Of course, all the moving unearthed…more cockroaches.  Yes.  It was so gross. I was under my desk untangling wires when I saw one sitting there on the wall.  He was trying to pass himself of as a peanut, I KNOW THIS, but he didn’t fool me, and I yelled "ahhh!  cockroach!"  and quickly got the hell out of there.  Here, however, is where it got disgusting:  I had encountered my cockroach in the right hand corner, okay?  So I was a little puzzled when my co-worker killed it…five feet away, in the LEFT hand corner.  I mean, cockroaches are fast, but speed of sound?  Nuh-uh.  Sure enough, when I peeeeeerred into the right corner, there was the original nastybug.  "ahhhh!  cockroach!!"  I yelled, AGAIN, but THIS time, co-worker killed it, stopped, looked closer, and said "Um…gross.  Don’t go back there."  Why did he say this, do you ask?  Well!  Because, (he said), there were eight more where that one (or two) came from.  Now, seeing as I am a big huge chicken, I took his word for it, so there might have been less, but I don’t really care, because obviously one is too many to me.  As we all know.

And, finally, I noticed something about myself that I found fairly interesting.  When presented with a treat of yummy goodness, i.e. chocolate or anything else equally tantalizing and sweet, unless I am being sneaky about eating it, I don’t enjoy it.  Analyze me…what does THAT mean?

Tschuss!!