ammogirl

Okay, so, today I was at work and and I had a small itch on my back. It was in the general vicinity of the area where my bra strap joins the back of the bra…you know that part? I know you do, even if you are a guy. Its not rocket science, its a bra. Anyway, so I reeeaaached back to scratch and felt…a roll of fat! You guys! Back fat! I have never had it before. And I’m not trying to be like “…ohhh I’m so thin I’ve NEVER had back fat!” either. Look, I will be blunt. I have a big ass. My weight really, reallllly likes my thighs. My hips are definitely the child-bearing variety. But my upper body has ALWAYS been small. Stick arms, bony chest, small waist. Even when I was pregnant I looked anorexic above the waist. So the advent of my bra cutting into my flesh…its a big deal, okay? I swear, since I have been back from my vacay, I have gained at least 5 pounds, and I’ve been dieting and working out HARD.CORE. Like today, it was pouring rain, and I still went running! I was drenched! It sucked! But the back fat! Sighhhh….I’m bloaty, I’m cranky, I’m simultaneously wanting to eat and having absolutely no appetite, and I’m tired because I spend each night laying in bed radiating temperatures of at least 4688 degrees and dealing with drenching night sweats. Its so gross. Sometimes…I wish I was a guy. I hate these women-type things.

But whatever, not your problem. I just wanted to whine a bit. So, thanks! You’re the best!

I have sat down a couple times to write about my stay with my parents but, look. There was me, my two sisters, and my parents. When I say we did stuff only family can do around each other, I mean it. Did you SEE the picture of me and Toni with a bra on our head? Yeah. Anyway, it was an awesome time. I have never laughed so much in my LIFE. And absolutely none of it would be funny to you, because its family stuff…in particular sister stuff. It WAS funny when we went grocery shopping, my mom and sisters and I, and had a cute bagger boy named Garet, who had to have been all of 16. We flirted with him OUTRAGEOUSLY, and then as he was loading up the back of the van, we all stood in a semi-circle watching him…in a bit of a predatory manner, you might say. I’m sure he was…scared, actually. Anyway, if you live in the West Salem area, and you visit the Roth’s on Wallace Road, be sure to say hi to Garet the bag boy.

I promised to tell you the other story of my warped genetics involving fitness and working out. You will remember the walk my sadistic mother dragged me on, yes? The 9.3 miler? Her “short” walk? Yeah. Well, on Friday morning I was supposed to go on ANOTHER walk with her and my sister Kathy, but I had a bout of puking in the middle of the night (NOT alcohol related…I believe it was bad shrimp) and slept in until…okay, it was only 8:15 but still, I was the last one up, and they had already been and gone. I was a tad bit disappointed (but secretly relieved, I mean…I’m not crazy, okay?) but then around 10-ish, my dad said, “hey, girls (girls meaning Toni and I), do you want to go on a walk NOW?” “SURE!” we said, because this was my dad, and HE said we were just going on a short walk (i.e. 5.5…MUCH better than 9.3). So off we went, and…Toni and I ended up RUNNING the entire time to keep up with my dad, Mr. LongStride McFuckingFast. Seriously. My dad walks faster than most people run. We walked (or ran…semantics, really) 5.5 miles in SEVENTY-ONE MINUTES. You guys, that is 12.9 minutes a mile…WALKING. It was worse than the 9.3 miler! And you know what’s worse? My dad has not walked for MONTHS! This was his first time out!

My dad, by the way, is going to Mobile, Alabama in April 2008 to compete in the USTA League National Championships. He and his doubles partner kicked ass all OVER the Super Senior (over 60) court in June. So basically, my parents are more active and in shape than I am, is the moral of this story, and I don’t ever want to hear another word about how weird I am that I like working out so much…its not my fault.

Anyhow, I need to mention two things, both of which you already know but probably need to be reminded about: one, I am going on vacay next week to the island of Tenerife, which is in the Canary Islands. We are staying here. Umm..not that you will actually follow that link or anything, but if you do…you’ll need to click on the Union Jack on the left to translate it. Also, item number two, which is in the “extremely” category of important, is that my birthday is in 11 days.

Whew. That was a long one.

Tschuss!!