ammogirl

First of all, I never got a phone call from anyone concerning anything yesterday, so I think that it’s okay to cautiously assume nothing is the matter with me, which: phew. I mean, enough talk of the boob already!

Because I’m still having a hard time running without pain (in fact, my boob is actually more tender and sore now than it was last week) (that’s the last mention, I promise!) I hopped on the elliptical at the gym yesterday afternoon. My iPod was already on, not blaring or anything, but loud enough to block out all extraneous gym noise. I was about five minutes into my own little world when two guys walked right up to my machine. One was in workout stuff, one with regular clothes, and they just stood there looking at me, then at the machine, then back at me while I got a puzzled look on my face. I started slowing down a bit, because, hi, what the hell are you doing? The first thing to go through my head was I somehow had stolen this guys machine while he, I don’t know, went pee or for a smoke, and he had notified the gym police on me, and I was about to get the throw down. But no, they merely looked at me and gave head shakes and gestured me to carry on. So I did, ellip-ellip-ellip, and then one of the guys walked to the BACK of the machine. I turned around, because again, HI, WHAT THE HELL, and he had bent wayyyyy down close to those massive piston-y things ellipticals have. Seriously, I thought I was going to hit him.

Now, because I had instinctively slowed down AGAIN, he did the “keep going” hand signal but THIS time I thought he was giving me the sign-language for “go backwards”, only now I was sort of confused and I started pushing forward with both my feet AND my arms at the same time. Making me look completely idiotic, I will point out, because this is NOT how ellipticals work. The guy at the front of the machine actually reached over and started doing the handles for me. I looked at with an expression that clearly said, “dude, c’mon. I know what I’m doing, however, I know not what you WANT. So.” and upon seeing it, he quickly dropped the handles and waved his hands around in circles by his head. Not in the “this bitch is crazy” way, either. No, it was more like an “roaming satellite dishes are orbiting around my head” thing. By this point, though, I was like, either be clear with your needs or carry on, and he was NOT, so I carried on.

However, as I got going again, I realized that not only was there a guy in front of me and a guy in back of me staring at my machine, but the people in my immediate vicinity were ALSO staring at machine. And me. So I yanked out my right earphone, and instantly, I heard it. An ear-splitting “screeech screeech sreechhhhhhhhh” my machine was producing with every move. It was SO LOUD. “Is that me?” I said to the person next to me, and she said, “Yes. It’s not that bad though! Really!” and then she rubbed her ear.

Okay, I am NOT going to be the noisy-machine person at the gym. I HATE noisy machine person. I know it’s not the actual person’s fault, but seriously. Find another machine. Incredibly and fortunately, the guy two machines over had just finished his workout (or got driven away by the deafening screeches), and after he cleaned it off I moved. The two guys said thanks, and I said no problem, annndd…there’s no good way to end this story, really. So, that’s it! End of story.

Tschuss!!