ammogirl

Alright. Look, I have a phobia about poop, let’s get that straight before I start this post. I think poop is gross(er than normal people do) and will never understand how people can be so glib about it.

–SNIP–(lots of stuff about me that I just cannot bring myself to post)–END SNIP–

And…I remember I was writing this as a lead-in to a post about German toilets, but I fretted so much over that last paragraph that I forgot what I wanted to say (and then I ended up deleting the whole thing anyway). Awesome.

Anyway, blah blah blah more stuff I deleted out but basically my parents were evil and caused me to have this weird poop phobia because I would have to like, drink a lot of prune juice, and that never turns out, and to neutralize the prune juice I would drink Kaopectate, which would in turn force me to take Castoria, and it tasted like alcoholic prunes, and then everything would start all over again. I spent a LOT of time in the bathroom when I was young. Indeed, I grew to actually LIKE drinking both the Kaopectate AND the Castoria, and would sneak into the bathroom to drink them. Yes. It was a problem. Like…I would say a good 1/3 of childhood pictures of me are of me on the toilet, because if they hadn’t taken them, nobody would have believed I had been a child. True. HOURS. OF. MY LIFE.

When I was maybe nine, I remember being in the worst amount of pain due to my confused innards, and my parents wanting me to take a Correctol. I did NOT want to take that pill, because I was certain I would choke and die, and no amount of reassurance would change my mind. So I was standing in the kitchen, right, and my parents and grandma were all imploring me to just swallow the pill, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it, and I begged them to let me chew it up with a cake baked in my Hollie Hobbie EasyBake Oven, and they finally let me, even though it was a really bad idea, because Correctol is NOT a cake flavor. I cried and cried, and to this day, I have this whole deal with poop, and all of those reasons are my reason why.

…blah blah blah German toilets. The end.

Tschuss!