ammogirl

So every week we get this email delivered into our work boxes, telling us to go check out the latest issue of “Airman’s Roll Call”. In the roll call, “they” talk about issues affecting all of us in the Air Force. For the most part, it’s sort of propaganda, and I’ll admit to, you know…not reading it on a regular basis.

This morning I had the weekly invite in my work email. Like always, I scanned the text, looking for the subject, and saw something like “blah blah blah personal websites”. This was interesting, so I clicked on the link and started reading about not releasing classified info on your personal website, and how even unclassified info could be pieced together into something interesting, you know, “Loose Lips Sink Ships”, that sort of thing. And then, at the very, very bottom, was this paragraph:

“Use of government computer systems - personal blogging on a government computer system is strictly prohibited. Government servers are reserved for the conduct of official business, and violations are punishable under the UCMJ. Moreover, personal blogging on a government computer places the government’s ability to protect national security at risk.”

Wellio! I read that and thought, hi, personal letter to me! Seriously, that could have been written like this:

Dear Ammogirl,

Hello. We monitor every single keystroke on your computer, how can you possibly be silly enough to post from work? I mean, come on. We don’t care that it’s lunchtime. Not important! GOVERNMENT SERVERS, missy, and don’t you forget that. We honestly thought you were a smart girl, which is why we gave you that next stripe, you know, THE ONE THAT YOU WON’T SEW ON UNTIL JULY? Hint hint? We giveth, we can taketh away.

Ag–can we call you that? Did you not know that personal blogging on a government computer places the government’s ability to protect national security at risk? Yes, every time you complain about slow drivers, or wax poetic about your hometown, or write about drinking wine (and um, that’s a lot of wine you drink, we’re just sayin), you place your mother risk. Your OWN MOTHER! She could be bombed! This war is your fault! We hope you are happy!

Here’s the deal. We like you, so we’ll give you another chance. But the next time you even think about typing in your site address into the browser bar? You will spontaneously die, and we will also take your children. Therefore, do not do it again, ever, really serious about this, bye.

Signed,

“US”

There you have it. I am being silenced by The Man. At least during the hours of 7 - 4, German Time (GMT +1).

Tschuss!!