ammogirl

So, hey, I don’t want anymore kids. I have some already, and two is quite enough, thanks. But every time people find out that the girls are John’s stepkids, they assume we are desperate to have our own, and not only is that annoying, it’s sort of rude, right? I say this because I for some reason today was thinking back to when I got my biopsy. When the surgeon was reviewing past surgeries with me and got to the one about tubal ligation he was all, “What? Why did you do that?” I was seriously taken aback and didn’t really know what to say besides, “Because I wanted to.” But, really, did I have to say any more than that? Mmmm…no.

Anyway today was actually a very productive day at work and it’s amazing how much more I can focus when I don’t have music on. I am one easily distracted person, for sure. I had all these things on my to-do list and took care of nearly all of them, and I have discovered something about myself that really simplifies every single thing I do. I can’t remember anything to save my own fucking life unless I have something in front of me to visually prompt me about whatever it is I’m supposed to be remembering. In regards to work, anyway. People run in our office twenty times a day and say, “Hey, remember that one thing…?” and while they are wayyyy more specific than that, no matter how much I squint my eyes and frown or think really really hard, I can never remember. Or, I remember, but exactly the wrong way, you know, instead of 1+1=2, I’ll remember 1+1=tangerine smoothies. But! When somebody runs in and hands me a piece of paper, even if the ONLY thing on the entire sheet of paper is the word two, I’ll instantly shout out, “1+1!”

Therefore, now anytime people come and ask me “do you remember”, I say, “no.” And then I say, “No, really, I really won’t remember.” And THEN I’ll say, “Look, I’m sorry but I have a giant hole where my work memory is, so give me one second to research my totally convoluted and only understood by me electronic filing system and I will get back with you.”

I’ve mentioned that everything I do is via email and three databases, right? Well, every single email I send out I cc: myself, and anything I do in the database I note the reference email in the remarks, and viola! Instant memory, just add computer.

Speaking of being distracted, John doesn’t ever let me drive when we are in the same car because while I am totally fine when I’m by myself OR when I’m with the girls (because believe it or not, I try to avoid fatal accidents when they are with me), when there are other adults in the car I am suddenly the world’s worst driver. For example, I have been driving for 20 years, and not once have I run a red light. Today, while ferrying people to the other side of base, I not only ran a red light, I TURNED LEFT on a red light. Now, I was in no danger of running into opposing vehicles because the lights here are weird and run one way at a time only. That’s why I turned, in fact, because the lane next to me, who were proceeding straight ahead, got their green light and started going, and I was so distracted by conversation that I lost my damn mind and forgot where I was and went too.

The people I was with (my boss, by the way, so: great) said, “Um…was that a green light, or…?” and I said, “Did I just run a red light? OH MY GOD I just ran a red light!” Then I became completely and deservedly embarrassed and ashamed and although I tried, found no way out of the ridicule I had garnered myself. I did try with, “Can we keep this a secret?” but that was met with a resounding, “ha ha ha!”

Fortunately, there was no cop to witness my departure from all things sane.

Tschuss!!