ammogirl

So, what in the world could the veryyyyy worst thing to happen to a girl with widely advertised phobias about both bathroom…issues and socializing with people in general? WHAT COULD IT BE? You decide. Is it:

1. Kittens

2. Sunny days

3. The worst stomach virus EVER to include your entire LIFE which causes you to have endless…BATHROOM ISSUES?

YOU GUYS.

I am still traumatized. Also, recovering. I will tell you about it tomorrow. IT IS NOT PRETTY.

Tschuss!!

Wow, Christmas is still five days away and I’m already sugared out. I’ve eaten SO.MUCH. cookie dough in the past week, and every day I say, “I’m not eating any more dough!” but I am literally helpless in the face of raw baked goods. It’s like an out-of-body experience, where I watch from the outside as I shovel spoon after spoon of dough in my mouth.

I reached my limit tonight while making the fourth batch of brownies for Lindsey to give to her friends as gifts. It’s good timing, though, because we don’t get back from Switzerland until late Christmas Eve and I won’t have time to make pie, and nobody even cares. Or at least I don’t.

Let’s see…today I went to a going away for a co-worker. It was a luncheon at a local Italian restaurant, and I got shrimp cocktail as an appi, and while that sounds really yum, when it was placed in front of me, it was a pile of shrimp on a plate with at least 1/2 cup of curry mayonnaise on top. At LEAST. Now, I love me some mayo (actually my sister…she’ll eat mayo by the spoonful. GROSS BUT TRUE) but not by the cup. God. Ew, I just realized something that makes that even worse: immediately before leaving for the restaurant, we watched a forwarded video of this guy with an infected spider bite on his jaw. Have you seen it? It’s the guy, in a bathroom, squeezing the pus out of this tennis ball-sized abscess, and it really, REALLY should have made me think twice about even looking at that pink mayo. Fortunately, I had erased it from my brain until just now.

After lunch we stuffed 140 brown paper lunch bags with candy and, yes, cookies to deliver to the wounded troops. The bags had been decorated by elementary school children and were all very cute…except for the one with a grass covered grave sporting a tombstone with the letters, “R.I.P.” scrawled across them. “Wow!” we said, “THAT’S not appropriate!” and sort of…okay, we threw it away. I’m SORRY! It was not wounded-troop friendly!

Now we’re frantically prepping for our three-day Switzerland ski/snowboard trip. Or as I like to say, two days driving/one day skiing, four families TWO BATHROOMS ONLY do-we-really-have-to-goooooooo??????

I know. Whine whine I have to go to Switzerland I’m a big baby blah. Whatever. Can I say it enough? TWO BATHROOMS.

Tschuss!!

3:15 am. That is the time I have been awake since. I was fine in my sleepy slumber, dreaming my super weird dreams about people getting liquefied in industrial liquefiers, when…BINK! Wide awake! And then of course, as people do, I started thinking about the things I can do nothing about (like why I have such weird dreams), until finally at 4:30 I was all, fuck it. And got up.

Now I’m tired, but temporarily running on the fuel of Christmas cookie dough and physical therapist-assigned exercises, so I thought I’d say hey. So, hey. They seem to be working, by the way. The exercises. Actually, believe it or not, this physical therapist seems to have a clue. We’ll see. I did think it was funny when I was going over my history with him last week that he was as confused as I was. He was all, “wait, they gave you shoulder therapy? Oh. And hip stuff? Oh.” The best, though, was when I mentioned I was sitting on the ball at work and he completely interrupted me and asked, just like this, “…wwwhhhhhyYYYYY? Are you sitting. On a BALL?” I immediately dimed out the previous therapist and he literally rolled his eyes, shooed his hand, and made a ‘pfft’ noise. And guess what? After what he told me is possibly the problem, there’s no WAY the ball has been helping the situation. So the ball? Ditched. It’s now used solely for random ab work.

Anyway. Can you believe it’s very nearly Christmas? I can, if only because of the vast amounts of yummy goodness people are bringing in to work. You know those Russian Tea Cakes or Mexican Wedding Cakes or Snowballs or whatever the hell they are? Yeah….yum.

And now I have to go eat roll out some more dough. Yum!
Tschuss!!