ammogirl

So, we somehow didn’t make it to Golden Compass, and instead found ourselves making an emergency trip to the store for ice cream (one, two three…six pints of B&J’s and one big Edy’s Peanut Butter Cup) and watching a movie at home. I don’t remember which one, though…oh wait! Nope, I was completely exhausted and ended up going to bed at 9:30. On a Friday night. I am wild.

Seriously, though, I can’t sleep due to the gallons of sweat that pour off me at night, drenching me, the comforter, the sheets, the mattress, my hair, the pillow…all while John lays next to me shivering because of open windows, no heaters, 35 degrees and fans on high and pointed directly at the bed. It’s SO GROSS and…I don’t even want to think about why I, at 36 years old, might possibly be having hot flashes and night sweats and THANKS MOM for going through EARLY MENOPAUSE.

It makes sense, though, because I’m moody, and cold when everyone is hot and burning up when everyone is cold and can’t remember ANYTHING, and by the way I’m so, um…irregular right now that I was convinced I was pregnant and bought a pregnancy test and snuck it in the bathroom and took it and thank god it was negative but really, MY TUBES ARE TIED so, fucking DUH, hi, no SHIT it’s negative. And then I hid it in the bathroom garbage and hid the second test (ept, 2 to a box! it’s a bargain!) in my underwear drawer out of embarrassment because fucking DUH, my TUBES ARE TIED.

I really am dumb, you know? I do own that I’m silly. I am fully blushed right now.

Anyway, ENOUGH ABOUT ME.

My social experimentation went fairly well on Saturday. The jewelery party turned out to be more of an open house thing than what I originally thought, so I was in and out. Although, I was easily the youngest person there by 20 years. I got a few things, mostly super fabulous ornaments for my tree, and I chatted a bit with Lindsey’s friend’s mom, who is honestly one of my most favorite people ever. And then later on in the evening we went to the small-ish party consisting of the three other families we are going to Switzerland for Christmas** with, and that went well too. I didn’t stay long at either place, but…small steps. Small steps.

Okay. On Friday I am taking the first of five tests I have to take (it’s a course for senior non-commissioned officers, which I will be when I put on my stripe, and here is the name of this course: Course 12. It’s variant is “Course 14″, differing only in one is taken via CD, and the other is solely online. Upon hearing the name, you can IMAGINE how exciting the actual material is), and I have to study for it. On the agenda for tonight? The History of the Air National Guard.

Yay.

Tschuss!!

**we are actually coming home Christmas Eve, because the thought of spending a holiday in a cabin with virtual strangers and ONLY TWO BATHROOMS…*shudder*.

I had to go up to the third floor at work today and when I walked around the corner I was assaulted by this HUGE DISPLAY of Christmas decorations and I thought, “WOW! I want to unapologetically copy the third floor people’s fabulous Christmas decorations!” So after my upstairs business was conducted sufficiently (which, while sounding a lot like a euphemism for, say, going to the bathroom or something–or maybe it doesn’t–anyway, it really just means “upstairs business”. And yes, this entire explanation was absolutely unnecessary), I dragged my co-worker to the BX with me and bought various Christmas decorations and upon our return, we decorated the crap out of the front of our vault. It looks awesome. We papered the entire wall around the vault with the cutest paper covered with snowmen, candy canes and trees, and then my co-worker ditched me to go eat lunch and I put ribbon up around the edges, and hung stars from the ceiling tiles, and it is all very magical indeed.

Besides that, work was work. Actually…okay. My job entails shipping stuff into, out of, and around Europe, and the money to do this is controlled by this one crotchety, cranky, totally hateful old man who works out of a base in Ohio. He’s civilian, now, but he WAS military, like 78 million years ago, and between his fond memories of the rank he retired at and the fact he holds the purse strings for EVERYTHING in his hands he pretty much thinks he’s a god. I met him the first time when I was stationed in Utah and I didn’t like him then, and I didn’t have any business with him. NOW, when everything I do relies on whether or not he’s in a good mood that particular day, I can’t STAND him.

He called me up today out of the blue and asked me a totally random question that had nothing to do with him and was based on erroneous information anyway, and when I stumbled a bit while waiting for an email to open so I could quote exactly what I had said, he said, “uh uh uh uh…” and oh my god I was so pissed. I don’t like him because I think he’s outdated and old and needs to retire, and he doesn’t like me because I don’t bow down at his feet and treat him like a king so I can maybe, one day, possibly get an extra shipment or two from him. Also, I’m not the right rank. Jerk.

Anyway, I’m a bit crankypants because of him, and also because tomorrow I have to be sociable for the ENTIRE DAY–11am - 4pm at a jewelry party, hosted by the mother of Lindsey’s best friend, and then 6pm - whenever John finally says he’s ready to go home at a small-ish party. That’s a whole year’s worth of small talk for me. It makes me want to go hide my head under a pillow.

For now, we’re off to go see the Most Controversial Movie Ever, The Golden Compass. I’m sure it will not affect my already non-existent belief in “God”. But I’ll let you know.

Tschuss.

I saw this LINK for a DUMB SITE and totally got sucked in but how could I possibly resist something called DIAGNOSE ME? I was all, “This looks fun!” and answered about ninety billion questions and at the very end it said, “thank you for answering ninety billion questions about yourself! If you want to see the UNDENIABLE TRUTH about the STATE OF YOUR HEALTH pay $25 and we will email a link right away.” I immediately panicked, because to dangle the undeniable truth about my health in front of me like that is MEAN! So I stewed for a bit, and I was like, “the undeniable truth about my health…$25…the undeniable truth about my health…$25…what do I DO???”

I am SO LAME! I sent them $25! I DID! And I know it was gullible of me, and I am shaking my head at myself, but I could not resist the undeniable truth!

I got my results today and it said things like this: “You have a high risk of acid reflux. Determined by: Answering positive to having acid reflux.” and, “You probably have signs of aging. Determined by: your current age.” And then it told me to do a complete detox program and practice Ayurvedic Healing. And then it said “also, thank you for giving us $25 for absolutely nothing, sucker.

I feel sad. And…sighhhh….stupid.

Tschuss!!