Jan 31
what’s brown, red, and totally disgusting?
So yesterday Jane wrote about her Rules of the Working Bathroom, and they were very, very similar to the Laws of Workplace Toileting that I hold near and dear. You know, flush the toilet, blah blah blah, basically it all boils down to don’t shit at work. I got all excited when I read it, because I love it when other people who aren’t my sisters share my same exact views. What? Sometimes we’re a bit…specific, us Read girls.
Anyway, when I read her entry, I raised the Fist of Bathroom Solidarity, and then realized that omg! I totally forgot to tell you the absolute most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen in a bathroom, ever.
Now first, imagine the grossest thing YOU’VE seen in a bathroom. Actually, get more detailed with your thinking: the grossest thing in a toilet. And I’m not talking about public toilets, because those are just nasty regardless if they are clean or dirty. I’m talking workplace toilets, where you know at least by face nearly everyone whose ass shares that same seat. I’ll give you a second…okay, got that?
Now imagine having to pee so bad you are walking with your knees together, and you head for the last stall, your favorite stall, right next to the glass block wall, and you are already unzipping your jeans, and right as you launch into the panty-removing spin and sit, you notice…chunky blood all over the front of the seat.
God damnit. Somebody had gone and menses-ed all over my favorite fucking toilet. AND LEFT IT THERE.
You guys, COME ON. Who doesn’t realize they have bled on the front of the seat? It’s just not possible to not know. No! I won’t hear it! Leaving blood on the front of the toilet seat and pretending that you didn’t see it is just as bad as, “Omg, I swear I didn’t realize I was pregnant until I really had to take a big poop, and WHAMMY! out came a baby!”
I am telling you, I would rather have seen crap. I know! But I’m not kidding! Be true, now–do you or do you not agree that shedding placenta from some random woman’s uterus is ten times more disgusting than poop? I realize shit is shit, and pretty damn dirty, but when I saw that, I got flashing neon signs in my brain that said, “INFECTIOUS DISEASE!” and, “BIOHAZARD!!!” and maybe I’m a bit dramatic about this but I DESERVE TO BE! It was gross!
Ugh.
Tschuss!!
January 31st, 2008 at 8:55 pm
SISTER! That was exactly the grossest thing I was picturing when you told me to beecause it happened the other day!That’s why I bitched about bathroom rules! There is toilet paper in there! Clean UP AFTER YOURSELVES WHAT ARE YOU ANIMALS IN BARNYARDS?
February 1st, 2008 at 1:08 am
Wow….and I was pissed that some asswipe (not literal….I hope) keeps using paper towels to open the mens room door to leave and then drops the towel on the floor.
February 1st, 2008 at 1:14 am
I just read another entry along the same lines at http://www.dinkinmess.com/2008/01/everybody-poops.html
Go give it a read. I referred her here too. Ya’ll are both too damn funny.
February 1st, 2008 at 4:16 am
eew. But I think those ladies from south of the border that don’t flush their paper, but rather leave it on the floor next to the terlet might just be right up there. But who doesn’t check to make sure they didn’t accidentally sprinkle?
February 1st, 2008 at 5:42 am
Jane - I knew it! We are all long lost, I TOLD YOU.
Chris - Oh yeah, I forgot about that! And the people who just toss the paper towel in the direction of the garbage can–come on! You won’t die from picking up your own paper towel.
Gina - This was no accidental sprinkle, trust me. A vial could have been filled from what was left behind. I’ve never experienced the paper left by the toilet but…I was recently stationed in a country that still has holes in the floor for you to squat over, and a garbage can for the paper. It was great.
February 1st, 2008 at 3:09 pm
OMG Fucking Gross!! You need to establish workplace rules like mine…anyone using the shitter MUST clean it when they are done! I clean it before and after I use it. I can’t stand the sight of shit or the thought of what is crawling oin them rims!!
February 4th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
i think i just threw up in my mouth a little
February 10th, 2008 at 7:34 am
I’m w/ Jeff.. ew.