ammogirl

Well damn, after reading the comments from yesterday’s post I actually feel like I was too nice!  Next time I’ll just be like fuck you, bitch!  Mess with my daughter, you get the HORNS!

Not really.  But to my credit, when I was at Freshman Orientation last week, and I saw that particular teacher strolling around her class table with her hands behind her back and a smug look on her face I glared at her REALLY HARD.  So there.

Anyway, I had wanted to tell you this yesterday but ran out of time.  I was in Automation on Monday and Bobby was showing me the list of acronyms they had made up for the new SatCom kits they are installing.  Um…some sort of like…satellite phones but for the wireless network the bomb dumps are required to have or something, FUCK IF I KNOW, I’m just making it up.

So I was reading this acronym list, and they were silly, and I was all, “oh, I like (whatever acronym was listed)” and when I got to the third one, it said this:

DCKS

I said, “I like ducks!”  and then read the next one, which was “FCK” (we are so busy and…mature where we work) and I realized that these acronyms were spelling out the dirty words and as such, immediately went back and corrected my previous pronounciation:

“Oh, I like dicks!”

And because I AM DUMB, I totally got through the next two before the fact that everyone was sniggering at me sunk in.

I was like, ‘what are you laughi…oh.  OH’  And then I immediately ran to my desk and hid behind my paper barricade and blushed furiously, because of all my many verbal gaffes, that was surely Top 2.

Tschuss!!

So Lindsey has this situation in her Language Arts class where she annoys her teacher by talking.  Only it’s not the talking that annoys the teacher; it’s an interactive class and the students spend the entire two hours sometimes in discussion.  Nope, what she likes to tell Lindsey on a regular basis is that she finds her actual voice annoying. This hurts Lindsey’s feelings in an “I’m a teenager and not really going to admit it and that shininess in my eyes is not tears” way, as I’m sure you can at least sort of imagine, because who does that?  It’s not nice, and it pissed me off because, you know, the whole my kid thing and all.  Tell her to be quiet a thousand times, sure, but tell the entire class you find her voice annoying?

Well.

When I got into work on Monday, I had an email in my inbox from this teacher about progress reports being emailed out, but didn’t see anything else.  I thought, “oh!  Well, this is a perfect opportunity to get all passive-aggressive with her, because I’m so very cool with my passive-aggressiveness.”  I hit “reply” and huffily typed out,

“I never received a progress report.  Also, just so you know, I talked to Lindsey about her annoying voice.  Sorry about that, she gets it from me.”

And I hit send and felt pretty proud.  Shortly, I got another email from the teacher, who said,

“I’ll resend the progress report.  Also, just so you know, it isn’t Lindsey’s voice that’s annoying, it’s the high pitch and loudness.  Lindsey herself is a lovely and                 outstanding student with whom I enjoy spending every minute of class.”

Hmph.   Stupid bitchface, I thought, and replied some more.

“Oh, I understand you completely. I’ll keep an eye out for the progress report.”

I spent the rest of the day feeling pretty satisfied with myself, because it’s really cool to get into passive-aggressive email fights with your kid’s teacher, and when the progress report showed up again, I printed it out and signed it with a flourish.

That evening, I handed it to Lindsey and she told me she had already turned it in, signed and all, and I was like, ummm…what?  And she said, “yeah, and it was really weird because Ms. Her Teacher was like, ‘did you forge this signature?’ and I told her no but she looked at me really weird.”

Oh.  Hmm.  Um…I was kidding?  About the not receiving it?  Ha ha…ha?

Boy, I bet Lindsey’s teacher really likes me now (but she still shouldn’t have said Lindsey’s voice is annoying, so there)!

Tschuss!!