May 21
awkward
Because I was supposed to take tomorrow as a comp day for working last weekend, Karma decided I should be sick today and have to go home, thus effectively canceling tomorrow’s day off. Because I was sick and had to go home, of course it was on a day I had one million things to do, none of which could be put off. As a result, I feel like a big dirty pile of crappy pants right now, because the two hour nap I managed to sneak in didn’t do anything besides tease me.
I really want to tell you this story, though. Lindsey and I were coming home from tennis just now, and while driving along she says, “OH. MOM. I heard this awful story today, and it’s a rumour and I’m not spreading it and I don’t know if it’s true but I heard it and I wanted to tell you.” Once I sorted all that through my foggy brain, I made the appropriate go ahead noises, and she, my daughter, says to me, her mother:
“There’s this girl at the highschool, and her boyfriend was “eating her out” (airquotes hers) and…blah blah blah”
I will pause for a moment, because if you are like me, you are thinking, “WHAT did she say? omg. OMG!”
Okay, continuing. But I will paraphrase. Apparently, the rumour is the boyfriend threw some tuna down there and went to town, and the tuna rotted and got maggoty and she (the girlfriend) got maggots in her stomach. I know, right? I said this:
“OMG Lindsey that is totally a lie IAMNOTTALKINGABOUTTHISWITHYOU.”
And then I said, “You didn’t actually BELIEVE that, did you?” and she said, “Well, at first…” and I pointed out that for someone to have not noticed there was A) fish and B) maggots in her VAGINA would be the hugest breach of hygiene ever, and by the way LET’S CHANGE THE SUBJECT.
Honestly. Who started that rumour? It’s not a very well thought out one, I have to say.
Tschuss!!
May 22nd, 2008 at 6:30 am
I did.
May 22nd, 2008 at 5:08 pm
toni - you probably did, you dirty girl.
May 22nd, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Ugh. I sincerely hope I don’t have to hear those words come out of my daughters’ mouths.
But, don’t you remember that versions of that rumor have been floating around like some horrid urban myth since we were in high school (and probably well before)?
Quick, post something happy soon so I don’t have that stuck in my head…
May 22nd, 2008 at 6:09 pm
Ok…OMG!!! It makes my stomach ache. I hate those kind of things from our girls, who…HOW THE HELL DO THEY KNOW THOSE THINGS…ya know what I’m saying?! UGGGGGH
May 22nd, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Kari - I was all set to post but then you told me to do it soon so NOW I HAVE BLOG BLOCK. Maybe I will post about that.
Kori - Does your stomach hurt…from MAGGOTS? Ha ha ha! I’m just kidding. But yeah, all I can think of is us at that age…and we were such angels.
May 22nd, 2008 at 7:12 pm
Uh yah, you’ve got my attention now too. The little bit about casual sex conversation at school is unnerving, how did we get this way about our kids and sex? They talk about it more than we (adults) do. Has it always been that way? ‘m with Kari. I’d have a heart attack.
May 22nd, 2008 at 7:20 pm
I think it’s a true story, but I’m just trying to figure out how the flies got into her “eating” area.
But hey, at least she talked to you about it.
May 23rd, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Megan - It’s ALWAYS been this way with kids and sex. We just hid it from our parents.
FG - I actually pointed that out too, that flies would have had to fly in, land, lay the eggs, and fly out, and that I’m pretty sure most people would notice something like that. And thank you, yes, at least she talked to me about it.
May 25th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
It’s not just kids these days. There was a similar rumor/joke going around when I was in Junior High that ends with the punch line “Oh, the last guy threw up”. Here version is a little cleaner actually