ammogirl

So,  because my sentence structure sucks, I think maybe confused some of you with my retell of the rumor.  I didn’t mean it happened AT the highschool, during school hours, I meant it was supposedly a high school girl and her high school boyfriend.  I hope that un-shocks some of you.  Also, I want to clear something up:  I was shocked by the phrase that Lindsey used with me, not the fact that she knew it or was telling me this story.  You guys.  These are teenagers in 2008.  Are any of you (especially those of you I went to highschool with) honestly going to tell me you (we) didn’t talk like that when we were 14?  I was a freshman when I was 14, andddd…I don’t know what school you guys were at but at good ol’ Taft High, I was talking about sex.  In fact, I mean, not to burst anyone’s bubble, but I was barely 16 my first time and I know that was older than a good percentage of the girls in my class, so.  I’m just sayin.

You know what the difference is?  Lindsey feels comfortable enough with me to tell me about this rumor she heard.  I know I would never have (and still wouldn’t, I’m not kidding) talk to my mom about ANYTHING remotely resembling “doing it”, oral or not, and I am really glad my daughter did and does.  Of course I don’t want her to ever, ever, EVER, not until she’s dead, and maybe not even then, have sex, but YOU GUYS.  At one point she is going to, (not any time soon, mind you) and when that time comes…I want her to tell me about it to prevent a couple things, those being stds and me becoming a grandmother.

Let me repeat:  teenagers KNOW ABOUT SEX.  They TALK ABOUT SEX.  It’s true.  Stop being horrified.

Anyway, now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, I have a situation I actually WANT your opinion on.

Taylor is failing a class.  She’s failing it horribly, despite the fact that every single day when I review her day with her, she says she’s doing good.  I mean, I knew she was struggling in Math, because she has been all year.  But  up until last week, struggling meant a C…a low C, mind you, but still, a C.  Today I got her progress report and what was her grade?  A big fat ass F.  Why?  Hell if I know!  I mean, I know why she’s failing:  three missing assignments, a zero on a binder check, and a 56 on a quiz.  But!  Last Friday, when I asked her about missing assignments, she said to me:  “No, those are not missing.  I do NOT have a ZAP (Zeroes Aren’t Permitted) form, I checked with Ms. Reeves, and all of my assignments are in.”  and Tuesday, when she took the quiz: “Oh, Mommy!  I took my quiz today and I feel good about it.  I’m pretty sure I did really, really good!”  and the binder check?  Ughh…don’t even ask.  That’s literally a check of her binder.  And she recieved a zero.  I went to the school and called her out of class and said to her, “Taylor.  You have an F in Math.  You told me you did not have missing assignments, SPECIFICALLY these three missing assignments.  WHY did you lie to me, and WHY DID YOU NOT TURN THEM IN?”  Her answer?  “…I don’t know.”

I was like, fine.  I will see you at home.  And then I came home and took away her computer, although it won’t do anything, because she has spent 75% of this past school year grounded from: sleepovers, the phone, her laptop, the tv, her iPod, video games, music, laughing, drinking water, opening her eyes, and breathing.  Okay, maybe those last few are a lie but the rest are not!  I’ve even made her, at times, go to detention ON PURPOSE!  I’ve had meetings with the counselor.  I’ve had meetings with her teachers.  I have an ENTIRE FOLDER devoted to email correspondence with her teachers, and it has close to 300 emails.   I’ve lectured, I’ve yelled, I’ve pleaded, I’ve badgered and hounded and short of doing her homework for her and/or sitting in class and turning in her assignments, there is nothing else I can do.  I’d put her in Summer School, but she won’t be here, and I’d kill her, but that’s illegal.

I know it’s the end of the year, there are only three weeks left and at best all she can hope for is a D in Math, but what can I do?  She still has five years left, and if I have to do this for the entire time, I will die.

Oh, and before anyone suggests maybe she doesn’t understand the material, she tested into this class and was recommended by last year’s Math teacher.  You know, last year, when she was getting straight As.  And her Terra Nova test scores have her in the 89th percentile in Math, so.

Yeah, I’m at my wit’s end.  I have no idea what to do at this point.  Help.

Tschuss!!!

Because I was supposed to take tomorrow as a comp day for working last weekend, Karma decided I should be sick today and have to go home, thus effectively canceling tomorrow’s day off.  Because I was sick and had to go home, of course it was on a day I had one million things to do, none of which could be put off.  As a result, I feel like a big dirty pile of crappy pants right now, because the two hour nap I managed to sneak in didn’t do anything besides tease me.

I really want to tell you this story, though.   Lindsey and I were coming home from tennis just now, and while driving along she says, “OH.  MOM.  I heard this awful story today, and it’s a rumour and I’m not spreading it and I don’t know if it’s true but I heard it and I wanted to tell you.”   Once I sorted all that through my foggy brain, I made the appropriate go ahead noises, and she, my daughter, says to me, her mother:

“There’s this girl at the highschool, and her boyfriend was “eating her out” (airquotes hers) and…blah blah blah”

I will pause for a moment, because if you are like me, you are thinking, “WHAT did she say?  omg.  OMG!”

Okay, continuing.  But I will paraphrase.  Apparently, the rumour is the boyfriend threw some tuna down there and went to town, and the tuna rotted and got maggoty and she (the girlfriend) got maggots in her stomach.  I know, right?  I said this:

“OMG Lindsey that is totally a lie IAMNOTTALKINGABOUTTHISWITHYOU.”

And then I said, “You didn’t actually BELIEVE that, did you?”  and she said, “Well, at first…” and I pointed out that for someone to have not noticed there was A) fish and B) maggots in her VAGINA would be the hugest breach of hygiene ever, and by the way LET’S CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

Honestly.  Who started that rumour?  It’s not a very well thought out one, I have to say.

Tschuss!!

So, here I am!  And I know that technically my hiatus was supposed to be over, oh…last week sometime but I have to admit it’s been kind of nice just taking a break.  But I think I’m done now.  We’ll see.

Right now I am blogging from the very most hidden corner of my kitchen because Bobby forced me to let him mow my lawn and it’s weird.  It IS, BOBBY, it’s AWKWARD and I feel like I should be getting tip money out right now for good work completed and also, I said to not do the slopey part!  Still, thank god for coworkers who insist on doing nice things because 1. my grass was getting long and 2.  it’s cold outside.

Friday I had my mini-ROCK BAND!!! party that turned into a full-on jam session with several more people than I thought would be here, but…no pictures.  Actually, there is one picture, but I’m making a really horrible face in it, so I’m pretending to not know it exists.  It was SO MUCH FUN.  In fact, more fun than I thought it could possibly be, with everyone taking a turn and becoming immediately addicted themselves because it’s ROCK BAND!!!, HOW CAN YOU NOT?  I don’t think I was very sharey with my drums, though.  From what I can remember.  We hung out here until wayyyy after the open bar party started and then headed to that, where  I was my usual annoying drunk self, and after awhile our group got into the car (driven by a DD, thank you) and blammo!  We were downtown, which was the last place I expected to be, but since I got a doner kebab out of it, it all worked out.  Oh, also, my newly pedicured feet were put to the test when I took off my strappy shoes and walked around barefoot in Kaiserslautern’s busy bar strip, which is really disgusting and sort of makes me want to vomit right now.  Stupid alcohol.

Somehow, SOMEHOW, I managed to be fine the next morning and woke up at 8 and drove the girls to a million different places, and caught up on Lost, and then it was Sunday and I studied for the algebra test I took yesterday which I totally bombed because studying for College Math but taking the College ALGEBRA test are not the same thing.

And THEN, after laughing at me very hard for making that fairly stupid mistake (which…look.  math, algebra…they both suck, so.) my Chief guilted me into not only scheduling myself for the right one, but enrolling in a college that actually has a degree plan in something I’m interested in.  Silly Chiefs, having all the answers to your excuses.

Now, Bobby is done mowing the lawn and just left (thanks Bobby, you’re the best) so I can extract myself from my hidey place and make dinner.  The girls have been IMing me repeatedly asking me when dinner is, as if they are starving (they aren’t).

Tschuss!!