ammogirl

Well.  I will tell you what, if you are going to volunteer to work a booth at the Ramstein Rockin’ Fourth or whatever it was called, the 11pm to 1am shift is where it’s at.  I’m already home!  It’s…only 1213!  I didn’t even have to do anything–we were out of food by the time my shift started, and the fireworks had just kicked off, so everyone was settled down and watching them.   All we did was sell a few waters, turn away some disappointed drunks (”What do you mean, you have no chicken?  I AM DRUNK!”) and lock up.  From this point on, I will always, always volunteer for the latest shift possible that doesn’t involve the actual teardown of the booth.

Oh, when I said we were out of food, I meant just the chicken.  We still had chips, right?  All kinds of chips.  Fritos.  Doritos.  Cheetos.  I mean, except for Salt & Vinegar potato chips, all the best kinds.  So I was really bewildered when the drunks would say no when offered them in lieu of chicken.  Who are these people?  When I’m drunk in a chip-related situation, I immediately make a bee-line for the nearest bag and dibs it.  In fact, when I’m REALLY drunk in a chip-related situation, I do little else BESIDES eat chips.  Chips.  Chips.  Hey, chips is one of those words that looks and sounds weird when you say it too many times.

Anyway, speaking of food, I decided to clean out my refrigerator today.  Did you know mustard expires?  Yeah!  I had to get rid of two bottles, one of which expired in DECEMBER 2006.  Pretty much every condiment in my fridge was a goner, plus multiple expired items from my pantry.  When I was done emptying everything out, I stared into my empty-ass fridge and thought, “Great.  I’m THAT person.”  You know, the person who never has any food?  And you wonder how they survive?  I wish I had the camera right now, because in my fridge I have: ice cream toppings (caramel and two types of hot fudge), salad dressing, four different jugs of juice, one lone can of Bitburger beer, a 12-pack of Vault Zero, coffee creamer, and a jar of mayo.  I am not lying.  And the thing is, I didn’t throw away any food food.  No, it was all salad dressings and condiments.  So, I ask you, WHAT AM I EATING?  I am weird.  My poor husband, he was probably glad to get away from here, so he could find some nourishment.  I thought he was looking a little thin…hmm.  Perhaps I should go grocery shopping.

Wow.  I became instantly exhausted just now.  I’m outta here.

Happy Fourth, everyone!  Sparklers!

Tschuss!!