ammogirl

Well, I might as well jump right in with two feet, yeah?  No apologies, or excuses.  I haven’t blogged because I haven’t…felt the need.  My blogging need is in direct relation to my level of crazy and I guess we can say I am in Crazy Level (CL) Green right now.

However.  I will admit that right now there is a smidge of stress in my life and I might or might not be implementing measures guarding against CL Orange or even, sighhhh, Red.

Serious side note: I can actually feel the difference in my brain when my issues start ramping up.  Weird?  Sure, but when my anxiety level starts overtaking my Zoloft level I can actually feel my brain (and subsequently, myself) turning inward.  I know that makes zero sense but there you go.  I know I should learn how to manage this without drugs but I can’t.  How do I know this?

Wellio!  A couple of weeks ago, I went to take my pill and discovered there were only two left.  Yes, I take my pill every night and yes, I should have discovered this earlier but OH WELL I DIDN’T.  Also, no big deal because of online prescription filling and next day pickup.  Or so I thought. Turns out my prescription had run out and as I had recently changed doctors I couldn’t renew without a consult.  An OFFICE consult.  Which I had to wait fifteen days for.  REMINDER: two pills left.  Yes, I explained my situation to the appointment peeps but to no avail.  So, I took my two pills, cut them in half, and took 1/2 dosage for four days.  On the fifth day, I was fine.  On the sixth day, I was feeling weird.  On the seventh day, I did not rest, but instead started randomly crying and feeling like crap.  That was a Monday, if you want more reason to feel sorry for me.  And to clarify, I’m talking RANDOMLY crying.  Like, “Yeah so there I was, it was the funniest thi–SOB SOB SOB”.  At this point, because I am lame (and apparently, slow) I thought it was hardcore PMS.  And then on the EIGHTH day (four days after my last pill), the brain zaps started.  And THEN, I realized that this girl?  Full-on withdrawal.  Yes, you guys, I was jonesing HARDCORE for Zoloft.

Life devolved into complete suck at this point, at which point I let me co-workers and children know that hi, I will not be very fun to live with for the next seven days, so sorry, much love, me.  I called the clinic over and over again, BEGGING for a fix, yes, Scout’s honor, begging.  PLEADING.  And then, while searching through my backpack for something and fighting back the nausea that had just set in, I found not one but three pills that had fallen out of my bottle while we were in Paris.  I cannot explain to you the joy I had at seeing these delightful, beautiful bringers of relief.  With much anticipation I sliced them all in half and swallowed one down, and within hours, bliss.  That fortuitous discovery sustained me through my appointment date, at which I renewed my prescription and vowed to never let it lapse again.

Could I, should I have just ridden the withdrawal symptoms through and tried functioning without Zoloft?  Yeah, to both of those questions:  I could have, and I should have.  But I didn’t.  I’m afraid to.  My life has never been my own, from August 4, 1971 until March 2008 when my therapist, after much convincing, got me to take this little pill that turned me into a not different, but more improved me.  I love this me.  I think I thought I loved the old me but I didn’t, not really.  So.

Okay! In other news: Taylor has this ongoing medical problem that the doctors have been trying to diagnose for months now via MRIs (multiple), blood samples (MULTIPLE x infinity, poor girl) and the latest, to proceed tomorrow, a 24-hour urinalysis.  Like this, and this.  The issue is that she has hypercalcemia, and I feel like I wrote about this before but a quick search tells me no.  Anyway, she has super high levels of calcium in her blood which is only caused by two things: malignant cancer or hyperparathyroidism.  Well, fortunately, all those MRIs and blood tests have ruled out the former, leaving the latter as the cause.  The next step is seeing the Endocrinologist, who we can hopefully get an appointment for before she leaves for Alaska.  She’s fine, by the way.  It was really, really stressful around here for a bit when this first all came down but now it’s just a waiting game.  Hyperparathyroidism is not life-threatening in any way, shape or form.  Phew.

Lindsey, who never likes to be left out, decided to get attention via a whammy case of Tonsillitis, which lasted for four months until her Tonsillectomy in April.  We were in the hospital three nights for that one.  Now she is fine.  She also turned 16 along the way, which we celebrated with a four-day trip to Paris and if you are my FB friend you have seen those pictures already.  LOVE PARIS.  I didn’t think I would, in fact, I had no desire to go.  None!  Eiffel Tower?  Whoop-de-doo.  Now I can’t wait to go back.

Also, holy crap, I actually have a lot to catch you up on.  Let’s do a list, which does not diminish any of the accomplishments:

1. John: graduated OTS and is now an officer (I was there for his graduation and it was so awesome, I am so proud of my husband)

a) Moved to his next base in Texas where he will be attending training, which hopefully starts next month.

b) Recently visited the girls and I to pick up the cats and help us with the packout of our house

c) Bought me a house

2.  I got orders to Texas, not to the same base as John but only 85 miles away which is soooo much better than what we hoped for

3.  All my crap got packed up and shipped two weeks ago.  The girls and I live in an empty house with three beds and a couch.  It sucks.

4.  I leave Germany for good on the first of July, yay!

5.  Did I mention we bought a house?  It is amazing.  John did all the work with the realtor and he did good.

The end.