ammogirl

I know that you should never just wish time to fly by but right now, that’s what I’m doing.  I want to leave here SO BAD.  I’m at 32 days left and every day is just another 24 hours to get through.  I get up, I stay occupied, and I go to bed with a smile knowing another day is down.  The girls are occupied with their friends/boyfriend, so I’m just doing whatever.

Germany has been great, don’t get me wrong.  I’ve loved my time here and at my going away on the 11th of June I know that without a doubt I will cry my eyes out.  But more than anything I miss my husband.  Our schedules are exactly off, so that we get one window of communication daily–after I get off work and before he goes to class.  Man I am whining a lot.  I’ll stop.

So.  What is this new place I’m moving to?  Well, I’m headed to Dyess AFB, in Abilene.  It’s a bomber base, meaning instead of fighter aircraft (the F- type, like F-16 etc) they have bombers (B-1).  That right there is a complete change of pace for me as I have never worked bombers, and I know it’s a different world–much slower paced.  The tentative plans have me as the NCOIC of Munitions Control, something I am pretty excited about.  I worked control when I was in Alaska and I looooooooved it.  However, I’m totally nervous about being a shop chief, because this will be my first experience at it.  In fact, this will be my first foray into the bomb dump as a Master, AND it marks a return to the bomb dump, period, after my four years at HQ.  Am I nervous, hell yeah.  Everyone wants to kick ass, you know?  Anyway, so Abilene, from what I hear, is a slow-paced town, smaller, but I think I might like it.  I’m actually pretty optimistic about it, and I’m trying to remain open-minded about Texas.  Not too excited about the teaching curriculum there, but you know what?  I have faith the girls will choose the path they are meant to choose, based on the tools I have given them.

Sorry for the introspective, low-key posts after so long away–right now I think I just need to rely on this as my sounding board, instead of a means of entertainment.  I keep thinking I want to just give it up completely but every time I make that decision I can’t actually execute it.  I just need to find my voice again.

You know, I knew parenting and specifically being a mom was and is always going to be a mostly thankless job but for cripe’s sake just once it would be nice to be appreciated when you AREN’T doing something for your children.  And also, isn’t it funny how EVERYTHING is your fault?  Who knew I was dumb AND forgetful?  What’s my name?

Seriously.

Dear daughters who I love with all my heart and for whom I would and do 99.9% of the time bend backwards for,

Can you please, just once, ONE TIME, when you are hungry and it is dinner time and I am CLEARLY TIRED and exhausted and not at all in a mood to cook, not get all weird when I say I don’t really feel like cooking?  You know, like, not make pointed sighing statements about going somewhere else or just finding something.  You are capable, I know this because you both can do pretty much anything you put your mind to.  I am enabling you to fend for yourselves some nights.

Love, mom

P.S. Surprising me with dinner one night would get you so many brownie points you can’t even imagine.  Try it!  I dare you!

AGH.

So, movies.  Here’s the thing, movies are one of John and my favorite pastimes.  A good story being told through good acting and music is really amazing if you let it be.  We have a lot of favorites, and although our taste tends to vary here and there (he loves the campy horror–Bruce Campbell, anyone?), there are a few standouts along the way.  The fight scene in Matrix when Neo and Trinity suit up and get all bad ass on the way up to Morpheus (side note–for awhile I walked around calling myself Treena-ty–tongue-in-cheek, of course–but that geekery is an indicator of how much I love that scene).  The fight scenes in Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.  Gladiator…I could go on but what I’m getting at right now is we love the Epic Battle Plot.  Enter the LoTR trilogy and yes, maybe the beginning of a point, I swear.

Although I am a cryer–there’s not much that couldn’t set me off if I was in the right frame of mind–when we went and saw Return of the King on 17 December 2003, I surprised even myself.  From practically the first frame I was tearing up and by the time Arwen had her vision in the woods I was in sobbing mode and once that started it didn’t stop.  We flew to Honolulu the next day for a family Christmas and I spent the first few days in a funk, I was so affected.  Why?  Because I’m lame?  I don’t know.  Something about good shining through and true love and sacrifice just gets me, and omg I’m killing myself with the cheesiness of that line but it gets worse.

You guys.  The Lost finale.

I don’t know if it’s my previously mentioned precarious state or the moon or the way my bed faces but I knew I was going to cry the minute we sat down and I did not prove myself wrong.  I cried the entire time, shocking even Taylor into asking me if I needed help cleaning the kitchen after we finished the show.  Do you know how long I cried after?  I’m not telling!  A television show!  WTF!  I have no idea the way the wind is blowing over the finale but if I read that people were unhappy or confused with the way the show ended I would not be surprised but I could not have asked for a better ending to such a great show, and I thought the final scenes were touching and made sense and…wow.  Five stars!

Okay, that’s two days I’ve bared my inner workings re: what makes me tick and I think that’s enough for now.  Oh wait.  You know what?  Did I mention John took the cats back to Texas with him?  And that I loooooooove my cat(s) (both of them but especially one of them)?  Well crap.  I miss my cat, okay?  It makes me sad.

Bye.